you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I still have a little drunk in my system
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
