I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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