how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
