what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
