Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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