wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
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I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So squirting runs in the family.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize