I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
