is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
