school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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