I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
