How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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