dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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