So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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