guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
