I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize