brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
