arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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