The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
