I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize