pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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