what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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