i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
