after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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