Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
