Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
