btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
