i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
