Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
