sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Actions speak louder than pants.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
