jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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