they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
