Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
