Midget sex pt 2 tonight
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
