Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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