If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
