Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
