I wish I could teleport
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
