Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I died a long time ago.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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