I looked at my own cervix.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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