If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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