Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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