If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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