I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
