I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
