I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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