tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
