we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
