things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
