Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
