I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
