I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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