Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
