when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...