he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
