Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.