in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!