im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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