I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...