if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
