are you still at the devil's house?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
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