if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
