well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We had sex on a dog bed..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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