Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
