Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
