a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize