Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
