I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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