He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
