I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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