Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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