I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
