Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize