I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
