So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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