Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
