Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
