any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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